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I know I stopped this again... but I really need the outlet... at least I can realize that right?

I'm really tired of people and their bullshit... I don't even feel like other people sometimes >_<

Sometimes I�hear a whisper,

And sometimes I see a flicker.

Of what could have been...

Only to see a knew�story begin.

�

I remember the day,

When I held on to everything you would say.

You would hold me in your arms,

And keep me from the worlds harm...

�

You used to wait for me,

And gasp at my beauty...

But those days are long gone,

Your love for me withdrawn..

�

Someday I'll try to understand,

But for know a picture of you sits on my nightstand...

Reminding me of that day,

When you told me everything would be ok...

�

�

unsure where to begin.� so how do we go about this

Just as I suspected I slept in today. Doesn't help that I was up til nearly 4 A.M..� But it's Sunday, so it's okay. Not like I have anything else planned and still I'm on meds that make me a little drowsy. I'm hoping to be rid of this ear infection soon and without any further complications. I've had my right ear drum burst before, not long ago (bout a year and 1/2) �in fact and that was OMG, torture!!!

So, my boyfriend, or significant other went to his Uncle's funeral today. I wasn't sure that he was going, yet I wasn't invited to go. Is that fair? We've been together (Live together) One year and almost 7 months. We attend each others family reunions. So, why not a family members funeral. I know he was running late, but he never indicated that he was going FOR SURE. Til it was time to go out the door. So, it wasn't like I had time to get ready. Kinda bothers me that he didn't even assume that I would like to go for support. Although he didn't seem all beat up about it.� It was his Aunts Husband. I don't think they were close or anything as I never heard him talk about the guy.� That brings me to another subject.

How long does a�couple have to be together before they realize they should be married? Okay, if a guy says he wants to be with you for the rest of your lives, that he's absolutely in love with you, and that he wants to be married and have kids, but he's not asking you to get married? Because he wants to take the time to get to know you? How LONG does it take to get to know someone. Isn't it possible for any one to change once a ring is put on their finger, no matter how much time is spent between them? Why should I waste my time waiting on someone else to decide? I'm not trying to be a complicated woman. And I'm even wondering if "I" want to be married. I thought I did before, well, I DO want to be married, but seems it's been a game of wait and see and I'm getting bored from waiting. Does that make sense?

The neighbors are moving out. I don't know if that's a good thing, or bad. They are noisy as Fuck. Sometimes I wonder if they'll actually come through the walls. And they are related to ex family of mine, that don't help either. So, today, they are loading up the U-haul, they are being a noisy as ever. But then, someone worse could move in. Yesterday, he was backing the Truck up to the door and hit my car. It was on the bumper, and put a small crease in the bumper, not enough damage really, but then he acted like "sorry" was good enough and walked on like it was no big deal. I mean, like he had NO remorse. The most he coulda done was look at the car, but he didn't bother. Some people just don't have any morals.

I guess I'm done with my ranting today. Lol!!!

Peace to Self!!!

I copypasta'd it from another place. It's unedited. I'm sure you'll get over it.

Usually I have so much to say.� Now it seems I am blank. Which is odd since I'm such the talker. Honestly, I'm shy, until I know of whom I'm comfortable with and who to� open up to. I feel that I have opened up to many wrong people in the past, but seems I never learn my lesson. I am so forgiving and trusting. Don't get me wrong, forgiving and trusting people are good things, I�just think I let myself get overrun.

It's funny. At my age, I'm still trying to learn WHO I am. I've seemed to have lost myself some time back.� I'm thinking of, instead of trying to find my OLD self, I should just work on creating a NEW one. Like a do-over. We all want a second try at times. I believe it's time for me to do just that. Maybe I will actually make a discovery. And end up being delighted with myself. Yeah, I know, these are only words. And the fun part, putting them into action. I know things are best done one step at a time. So I'm guessing this is a start.

If anyone happens to read this, and has advise of any kind, feel free to share. I am always open to new ideas.

And now at nearly 3 A.M. Yet again. I shall say - GoodNight!!!

If we understood the power of our thoughts, we would�look at�them more closely. If we understood the awesome power of our words, we wouldbe �silent to almost anything negative. In our thoughts and words we create our own weaknesses and our own strengths. Our limitations and joys begin in our hearts. We can always replace negative with positive.�������� �hilda

Well, this is my first entry. I will try not to make it boring or full of senseless drama, so I will try to keep it light.

So, I'm dealing with an inner ear infection which seems to not be sitting well with me, since everytime I turn my head suddenly or move around it feels as if I'm on a merry-go-round and about to spin off. And riding in the car, that feels so not good. I feel like I'm on a wild roller coaster ride, then I have chills. It doesn't help that I have panic/anxiety disorder, so that only makes it seems 100 X worse.

Tomorrow is Saturday. I'm not sure what is in store for me. I'm hoping for a little relief. And maybe some fun. I hope it doesn't rain. Seems everytime I decide to do something outdoors it rains. It's been so hott lately though, a person doesn't want to go out. Sittin inside in the AC seems like an okay idea,� but I love the sunlight and want to see as much of it as I can, seems to be a thing to cheer me up.

I said I'd try to keep this first entry light. So.....here's me keepin true to my word.

Peace, World and Goodnight!!!�